'BASIC' PROFILE OF ABUSIVE MEN:


Possessiveness - view their partners as their own property.

Control & Power - believe they have a right to control their partners, tell them what to do, and expect obedience; feel justified in using force to maintain power & control over partners, and get them to comply; feel their partners have no right to challenge this.

Externalize Blame - will not assume responsibility for their actions; projects the blame for their anger or violence onto others (especially their partners).

Tendency to Justify, Deny, Minimize, or Reframe their behavior - for example "someone has to be in charge", "I have never hit you", or "That's not the way it happened at all. You are over-reacting."

Unrealistic Expectations of Partners to Fulfill Their Needs - expect their partners to make them feel happy, make them feel complete.

Express Most Feelings as Anger in the Form of Violence - don't know how to identify & express hurt, frustration, stress, sadness, fear, etc. Chooses to express them in the form of anger & abusive behavior towards partner; displaces anger from others sources (work, finances, etc.) onto partner.

An abuser may be impulsive & quick tempered but is able to demonstrate extra ordinary control when to do so is in his best interest i.e.. around people he is trying to impress, the police, co-workers, the court, etc.

Isolation - tendency to cut partners off from other relationships; tendency to have only superficial friendships or contacts with others themselves; difficulty in sharing problems or discussing deep personal feelings.

Abusive men in particular believe in traditional male/female rolls; as man is breadwinner & ultimate decision maker; to be a man one must be strong, dominant, superior & successful.

Need to Maintain an Over-Adequate Facade - inability to reveal vulnerability or anxiety (with the exception, perhaps, of the period immediately after an abusive incident); avoid their own feelings of dependence.

Alcohol Abuse Varies - 25% abuse only when drunk; 25% when drunk or sober; 25% never drink; 25% are social drinkers & not drunk when abusing. These stats may vary slightly, but the abuse happens whether or not abuser is using alcohol or drugs.

Socialized into Aggression - have been taught directly or indirectly that aggression is an appropriate means of problem-solving and of demonstrating authority in certain situations.

Lacking Self Esteem - many people lack self esteem and are not abusive. But abusers attempt to displace those feelings through power & control over their partner.

Not Mentally Ill - the proportion of mentally ill battering men is no greater than the proportion of mentally ill people in the population at large.

ABUSIVE MEN KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND ALSO HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THEIR ACTIONS.